This is tough....and and bittersweet ... truth be told, I really don't know where to begin.
The update .... Conor has now been cleared by ALL the doctors. The last was the Neuropsychologist. There is some minor residual effects from the brain damage ... but there is every reason to expect complete recovery in the coming months. The neuropsych exam took place just 6 months post-injury (early days in the progress of a Traumatic Brain Injury ... the usual recovery is 2 years). Conor still has some "visual tracking" problems, for example ... connect the dots ... catching a ball at close range. With practice and exercise .. these will clear up.
He now walks without a limp. Extraordinary! He is well into a 'work hardening" programme with the physiotherapist ... and there is every expectation that he will return to work in September! The journey ... my friends ... is coming to an end.
My holiday was ... incredible. What a spectacular country we live in. For those of you out there that have never travelled through the Rockies ... highly recommended. Conor and Ciaran did quite well without me ... and met my three criteria for a happy return ... the pool was blue .. the flowers weren't dead ... and Joey was alive! Reasonable expectations...tremendous result.
The farewell . . .
When I started this 8 months ago ... it was a vehicle for communicating to friends and family updates on Conor's condition. When I started this, Conor was in a coma ... his body shattered ... every breath, every heartbeat monitored. When I started this, I was numb (the body and soul protecting itself) and unaware of what I had created when I started this blog and how it would take on a life of its own. It became for me much more than a forum for communicating Conor's ever improving condition ... it became cathartic and therapeutic and comfortable ... like an old blanket. I wrapped myself in this blog. And now, my dear friends, it is time to shed the blanket ... and it is hard.
Over the months, a diverse group of people have visited this site. People from all over the world (Canada, Ireland, England, China, Australia, US, South Africa) have logged in to read the latest update. People I work with, people Conor works with, family members, friends (internet and real world), friends of friends, doctors offices, dentists offices, prime minister's offices, have all been connected by this site. It is incredible, really, when you think about it. We were all linked -- despite being separated by time and distance -- by our shared hope for Conor's recovery. Surreal!
As the months passed, the tone of the blog changed. It became less dramatic, less urgent. It allowed me the opportunity to vent ... to wax philosophical ... to pour out my soul to all of you. I have caught up with a lot of you in person. You comment on how open and unguarded the blog was ... that my dear friends ... was the numbness receding. I feel a little embarrassed at how much of me I revealed in cyberspace. But I don't regret one single word I wrote. When I can, I like to go back to the very early posts. My God ... it was like reading a script to a movie of the week. These kinds of things don't happen to real people ... but we all know ... they do. This blog has allowed me to connect with all of you ... we have cried together, and prayed together, and hoped together. I did not face this alone ... and this blog made that very clear to me.
The gratitude I feel ... really ... cannot be expressed. The acts of raw kindness have touched me in ways I cannot put words to. The gift of your prayers ... your positive thoughts ... is a gift that cannot be reciprocated in this life time. The debt I owe ... I will have to take with me to the grave. But if there's a tally kept by the Man Upstairs ... rest assured that you're all in the black. I am humbled by your generosity, and am brought to tears whenever I think of just what you all have meant to me. From the bottom of my heart ... I thank you. You have made such a difference in my life, and in the lives of my sons. We three ... are whole ... and healing ... and on the path to full recovery.
In order for me to do this with some semblance of dignity ... I must convince myself that this is not good-bye. I must console myself with the reassurance that you are all real people and in my life outside of this blog. It is difficult to let the blog go ... but let it go I must ... A Record of Conor's Recovery ... let the last line be written. Conor is recovered ... and his journey through life will continue.
To those of you separated from me by great distance ... my email is rose-lacey@rogers.com. I will welcome your communication. Again .. for all your individual acts of kindness ... I thank you. You have been involved in a miracle ... and you should be extremely proud of the contribution you have made to the recovery of not only Conor ... but of three .... extremely grateful people. Till we are able to meet again .... I hold you all in my heart ... God bless you all
Friday, July 27, 2007
Friday, June 22, 2007
A quick note
Well ... here I sit ... kids our out (end of the school year --- don't you know) .. with Drambuie and Starbucks in hand. I'm gathering together all the clothes I'll need for my jaunt out west. Thought I'd give you a quick update before I leave.
Lots of news to report. Conor had the surgery to remove the bolts from his knee. The operation took about 45 minutes .... general anaesthetic included ... and he walked away from the surgery. I brought the crutches to the hospital as per instructions .. they were shunned by Conor! An amazing young man. In his words ... it felt like his knee had been hit with a wrench .... but pain free (?!) for the first time in six months. If this seems contradictory ... well ... it is! He had the surgery on June 12th ... uncle Johnny was in town trying to get the water at the cottage sorted out ... and can vouch for the fact that Conor was walking after the surgery. They had given him one tablet of morphine immediately after the surgery ... I gave him one more later that night .... then it was on to good old Tylenol. At one point (while on the morphine) he said ... "Is it wrong to enjoy this feeling?"
We visited the ortho 3 days after the surgery and he doesn't want to see Conor again until November. Yup ... you guessed it ... I lost it big time. This is the last doctor on Conor's list. I wrapped my arms around him (no easy feat I might add - orthos are generally very large men) and gave him a heartfelt hug. I cried for a good long while ... and again .. poor Conor just doesn't understand the meltdowns. I get teary eyed now ... just thinking about the end being in reach.
On the Monday after the surgery, Conor had an appointment with the sports medicine specialist. He confirmed that Conor has a Grade I injury to the Posterior Cruciate Ligament (PCL). He advised that they do not even consider surgery until the injury is a Grade III ... bottom line ... work your buns off little man ... no surgery for you! The smile on Conor's face was memorable ... brought to mind the first time Conor went outside after the accident. We're done ... physiotherapy will continue big time .. no limitations. Conor should be ready to return to work by the end of the summer! No more doctor's appointments until November!
Now that we're at the end of this incredible road .... I realize all the potholes and pitfalls that we've dodged. I am so incredibly aware of the path we might have travelled ... but with the help of God and all your good thoughts and prayers .. we have evaded that dark road. I am so relieved. Being Irish ... I cannot help but be cautious ... and wait for the other shoe to fall! Still ... I am so optimistic. That I have received all this incredible news now ... just before my first child-free holiday in 22 years ... I feel sure it is a sign.
Please rejoice with me. Our present situation is due ... in no small part ... to all of you. I am extremely pleased to share it with you all. Thank you from the bottom of my joyous heart. I will not wrap up the blog tonight ... I cannot. When I return from my holiday ... refreshed ... I will try and do justice to what you have all meant to me ... and to my sons.
Until then ... be proud of your accomplishment! You have made a huge difference in the lives of three people ... three people who owe you a debt that may never be repaid. Bless you all . . .
Lots of news to report. Conor had the surgery to remove the bolts from his knee. The operation took about 45 minutes .... general anaesthetic included ... and he walked away from the surgery. I brought the crutches to the hospital as per instructions .. they were shunned by Conor! An amazing young man. In his words ... it felt like his knee had been hit with a wrench .... but pain free (?!) for the first time in six months. If this seems contradictory ... well ... it is! He had the surgery on June 12th ... uncle Johnny was in town trying to get the water at the cottage sorted out ... and can vouch for the fact that Conor was walking after the surgery. They had given him one tablet of morphine immediately after the surgery ... I gave him one more later that night .... then it was on to good old Tylenol. At one point (while on the morphine) he said ... "Is it wrong to enjoy this feeling?"
We visited the ortho 3 days after the surgery and he doesn't want to see Conor again until November. Yup ... you guessed it ... I lost it big time. This is the last doctor on Conor's list. I wrapped my arms around him (no easy feat I might add - orthos are generally very large men) and gave him a heartfelt hug. I cried for a good long while ... and again .. poor Conor just doesn't understand the meltdowns. I get teary eyed now ... just thinking about the end being in reach.
On the Monday after the surgery, Conor had an appointment with the sports medicine specialist. He confirmed that Conor has a Grade I injury to the Posterior Cruciate Ligament (PCL). He advised that they do not even consider surgery until the injury is a Grade III ... bottom line ... work your buns off little man ... no surgery for you! The smile on Conor's face was memorable ... brought to mind the first time Conor went outside after the accident. We're done ... physiotherapy will continue big time .. no limitations. Conor should be ready to return to work by the end of the summer! No more doctor's appointments until November!
Now that we're at the end of this incredible road .... I realize all the potholes and pitfalls that we've dodged. I am so incredibly aware of the path we might have travelled ... but with the help of God and all your good thoughts and prayers .. we have evaded that dark road. I am so relieved. Being Irish ... I cannot help but be cautious ... and wait for the other shoe to fall! Still ... I am so optimistic. That I have received all this incredible news now ... just before my first child-free holiday in 22 years ... I feel sure it is a sign.
Please rejoice with me. Our present situation is due ... in no small part ... to all of you. I am extremely pleased to share it with you all. Thank you from the bottom of my joyous heart. I will not wrap up the blog tonight ... I cannot. When I return from my holiday ... refreshed ... I will try and do justice to what you have all meant to me ... and to my sons.
Until then ... be proud of your accomplishment! You have made a huge difference in the lives of three people ... three people who owe you a debt that may never be repaid. Bless you all . . .
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Winding Down
As many of you will have noticed over the past couple of months, the frequency with which I post is dwindling. This is not a reflection of my desire to post ... trust me .. the desire to write remains ... but it is indicative of the real lack of "news".
This forum has served many purposes. In the very beginning, it took some of the pressure off Ciaran. Despite his many talents ... press officer was a new one. I think, at times, all the medical terminology overwhelmed him and I think he truly understood only half of what was going on. All he cared about was whether his brother was --- at first ... going to live; and later ... going to be whole. And you know what ... with all the medical techno-jargon that I have picked up over the past 6 and a half months; I think Ciaran had it right. However -- for me --- being able to write it all down, having a record of what was happening hour by hour, day by day --- was a means for me to put order to the chaos that was my mind at the time. I look back at some of the older posts ... the posts that occurred while Conor was still on life support ... and I am able to vividly relive those days ... I am able to feel what I felt at the time with all the intensity. I get goose bumps. I am both amazed and proud of how Ciaran and I were able to survive those early days. The blog is a permanent record of that accomplishment. More than anything though ... the blog was a vehicle for my hope, my fears, my gratitude. It was (and to a certain extent still is) cathartic and therapeutic. I shall miss it when it goes ... not today my friends ... but soon. The road to recovery is almost complete.
An update . . .
On 18 May, Conor had an appointment with his orthopaedic surgeon for his leg. There appears to have been some cartilage damage (go figure) and his ortho has referred him to a sports medicine specialist. For all you aging athletes out there ... you may know of what I speak. Conor's cruciate ligaments (both anterior and posterior) are extremely loose. They are not holding Conor's knee joint together well enough for real strengthening to take place. Hopefully ... on 18 June, we will see what is planned. As for the ortho ... he is scheduling Conor to have the bolts in his knee removed ... six months ahead of schedule. The bolts cause Conor considerable pain whenever he moves as they jut out a few millimeters and rub on the soft tissue surrounding the knee. Again ... this is impeding Conor's progress with physio ... as he has reached a plateau. He really can't go any further until the bolts are removed. So hopefully ... in the next few weeks ... Conor will undergo "Day Surgery" for the removal. The ortho is certain that the recovery will be speedy.
Today, we went again to visit the wrist specialist. We were able to look at Conor's wrist today ...vs... on 18 November ... and well --- I cried. Remember back in the beginning, an ICU nurse told me that the true sign of progress was the removal of all the equipment, and the lack of interested doctors. Well today ... we have one less doctor. The "rice krispies" have bonded together to create a fully functional and strong wrist. He was amazed at Conor's improvement and very satisfied that he made the right decision in NOT operating. He talked seriously to Conor about career choices and recommended something that did not rely heavily on the wrist ... but reiterated that there was pretty well nothing he could not do with the wrist. Again ... I cried. Such incredible relief. Conor really doesn't know what to do when I have these little meltdowns ... but then again who would? I tried to explain that I can only afford to fall apart when the crisis is over. Another piece of armour can be laid to rest.
Tomorrow Conor goes for two days' worth of neuropsychological testing. To say that he is not looking forward to this --- is an understatement. He dreads it and doesn't see the point. I tried to convince him to think of it like a final exam. If he passes ... then the "brain injury" is officially no longer an issue and he can focus solely on this leg. Not sure whether he's buying into it!
In my opinion ... the cognitive impairment ... is a non-issue. As far as I can see ... and what do I know ... I'm just his mum ... he's completely back to normal. He has bought himself a little car (1996 Honda Civic hatchback) and is so enjoying the independence the car gives him. He goes out to visit his friends and is even coaching his old soccer team on Sunday evenings. Now that both boys are driving ... yes, Ciaran has his licence now ... God's highlights (my hairdresser's term for grey hairs) have increased. But -- suck it up mum ... the boys have got to live their lives. Would I prefer to wrap them up in cotton wool and keep them safely tucked away at home? You betcha! But, I'm afraid that would not be fair. They are young and ...they are entitled to make their own mistakes. Sometimes, the hardest part of being a parent ... is allowing them to make those mistakes.
As for me ... I am fine. I seem to be in a constant state of preparedness ... ready at a second's notice to do battle again. I know this is not ideal ... and I would love to be able to retire the "armour" for good ... but realistically, this will not be possible for a while. Day by day, I find it a little easier to relax ... but I am a long way from "laid back". I am reasonably healthy and happy ... and for that I am thankful. The rest will come ... in the fullness of time! A good start will be my little trip through the Rockies at the end of June. No children ... only good friends and good times. Sounds idyllic ... and I am soooo looking forward to it.
I will post again ... but truth be told ... the end of that "road to recovery" is very near at hand. I shall very much miss sitting in front of my computer ... a Starbucks or a Drambuie in hand ... pouring out my soul to all of you. God willing I will post again in early July to update you all on Conor's bolt removal and cartilage repair. Hard to believe how far we've come in the six months this blog has existed. Although my faith was strong ... it was laced with some elements of doubt. That doubt has thankfully been put aside and my faith has been confirmed. Life, my friends, no matter how bleak at times ... is good. Stay well all ... God bless till we speak again
This forum has served many purposes. In the very beginning, it took some of the pressure off Ciaran. Despite his many talents ... press officer was a new one. I think, at times, all the medical terminology overwhelmed him and I think he truly understood only half of what was going on. All he cared about was whether his brother was --- at first ... going to live; and later ... going to be whole. And you know what ... with all the medical techno-jargon that I have picked up over the past 6 and a half months; I think Ciaran had it right. However -- for me --- being able to write it all down, having a record of what was happening hour by hour, day by day --- was a means for me to put order to the chaos that was my mind at the time. I look back at some of the older posts ... the posts that occurred while Conor was still on life support ... and I am able to vividly relive those days ... I am able to feel what I felt at the time with all the intensity. I get goose bumps. I am both amazed and proud of how Ciaran and I were able to survive those early days. The blog is a permanent record of that accomplishment. More than anything though ... the blog was a vehicle for my hope, my fears, my gratitude. It was (and to a certain extent still is) cathartic and therapeutic. I shall miss it when it goes ... not today my friends ... but soon. The road to recovery is almost complete.
An update . . .
On 18 May, Conor had an appointment with his orthopaedic surgeon for his leg. There appears to have been some cartilage damage (go figure) and his ortho has referred him to a sports medicine specialist. For all you aging athletes out there ... you may know of what I speak. Conor's cruciate ligaments (both anterior and posterior) are extremely loose. They are not holding Conor's knee joint together well enough for real strengthening to take place. Hopefully ... on 18 June, we will see what is planned. As for the ortho ... he is scheduling Conor to have the bolts in his knee removed ... six months ahead of schedule. The bolts cause Conor considerable pain whenever he moves as they jut out a few millimeters and rub on the soft tissue surrounding the knee. Again ... this is impeding Conor's progress with physio ... as he has reached a plateau. He really can't go any further until the bolts are removed. So hopefully ... in the next few weeks ... Conor will undergo "Day Surgery" for the removal. The ortho is certain that the recovery will be speedy.
Today, we went again to visit the wrist specialist. We were able to look at Conor's wrist today ...vs... on 18 November ... and well --- I cried. Remember back in the beginning, an ICU nurse told me that the true sign of progress was the removal of all the equipment, and the lack of interested doctors. Well today ... we have one less doctor. The "rice krispies" have bonded together to create a fully functional and strong wrist. He was amazed at Conor's improvement and very satisfied that he made the right decision in NOT operating. He talked seriously to Conor about career choices and recommended something that did not rely heavily on the wrist ... but reiterated that there was pretty well nothing he could not do with the wrist. Again ... I cried. Such incredible relief. Conor really doesn't know what to do when I have these little meltdowns ... but then again who would? I tried to explain that I can only afford to fall apart when the crisis is over. Another piece of armour can be laid to rest.
Tomorrow Conor goes for two days' worth of neuropsychological testing. To say that he is not looking forward to this --- is an understatement. He dreads it and doesn't see the point. I tried to convince him to think of it like a final exam. If he passes ... then the "brain injury" is officially no longer an issue and he can focus solely on this leg. Not sure whether he's buying into it!
In my opinion ... the cognitive impairment ... is a non-issue. As far as I can see ... and what do I know ... I'm just his mum ... he's completely back to normal. He has bought himself a little car (1996 Honda Civic hatchback) and is so enjoying the independence the car gives him. He goes out to visit his friends and is even coaching his old soccer team on Sunday evenings. Now that both boys are driving ... yes, Ciaran has his licence now ... God's highlights (my hairdresser's term for grey hairs) have increased. But -- suck it up mum ... the boys have got to live their lives. Would I prefer to wrap them up in cotton wool and keep them safely tucked away at home? You betcha! But, I'm afraid that would not be fair. They are young and ...they are entitled to make their own mistakes. Sometimes, the hardest part of being a parent ... is allowing them to make those mistakes.
As for me ... I am fine. I seem to be in a constant state of preparedness ... ready at a second's notice to do battle again. I know this is not ideal ... and I would love to be able to retire the "armour" for good ... but realistically, this will not be possible for a while. Day by day, I find it a little easier to relax ... but I am a long way from "laid back". I am reasonably healthy and happy ... and for that I am thankful. The rest will come ... in the fullness of time! A good start will be my little trip through the Rockies at the end of June. No children ... only good friends and good times. Sounds idyllic ... and I am soooo looking forward to it.
I will post again ... but truth be told ... the end of that "road to recovery" is very near at hand. I shall very much miss sitting in front of my computer ... a Starbucks or a Drambuie in hand ... pouring out my soul to all of you. God willing I will post again in early July to update you all on Conor's bolt removal and cartilage repair. Hard to believe how far we've come in the six months this blog has existed. Although my faith was strong ... it was laced with some elements of doubt. That doubt has thankfully been put aside and my faith has been confirmed. Life, my friends, no matter how bleak at times ... is good. Stay well all ... God bless till we speak again
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
There but for the grace of God ...
I received a call last night from friends out in Osgoode. They called to tell me that the son of a friend was killed in a motorcycle accident. He was pronounced dead at the scene.
The mother in question ... is Dot Janz ... of the famous Red Dot restaurant in Osgoode. The son ... 35 year old Neal. He leaves behind his mum, a sister, a father, a grandmother and a girlfriend and ex-wife. A life cut short way too soon.
Needless to say, a myriad of emotions rushed through me. The obvious sadness, horror and empathy were part of the package ... but for me ... an incredible guilt. Guilt that I was spared this experience ...
I will confess my feelings to Dot ... over a glass of wine, perhaps ... at her new restaurant ... the Black Dog in Manotick. She will understand. Dot is a woman of incredible grace and strength. She spoke to me after Mikey passed ...and after Conor's accident ... and was such a serene presence. No drama ... only calm strength. I only hope that I can return her comfort in kind.
To those of you who are aware of Dot ... there is a guest book provided by the Ottawa Citizen. The website is: http://www.legacy.com/can-ottawa/GB/GuestbookEntry.aspx?&PersonID=87906873. To those of you that do not know Dot ... spare a prayer or a good thought for a mother whose heart is torn in two.
Thank you for allowing me to use this forum for a purpose other than "Conor's Journey". I believe you'll understand the connection between this site ... and a mother's loss and tragedy.
The mother in question ... is Dot Janz ... of the famous Red Dot restaurant in Osgoode. The son ... 35 year old Neal. He leaves behind his mum, a sister, a father, a grandmother and a girlfriend and ex-wife. A life cut short way too soon.
Needless to say, a myriad of emotions rushed through me. The obvious sadness, horror and empathy were part of the package ... but for me ... an incredible guilt. Guilt that I was spared this experience ...
I will confess my feelings to Dot ... over a glass of wine, perhaps ... at her new restaurant ... the Black Dog in Manotick. She will understand. Dot is a woman of incredible grace and strength. She spoke to me after Mikey passed ...and after Conor's accident ... and was such a serene presence. No drama ... only calm strength. I only hope that I can return her comfort in kind.
To those of you who are aware of Dot ... there is a guest book provided by the Ottawa Citizen. The website is: http://www.legacy.com/can-ottawa/GB/GuestbookEntry.aspx?&PersonID=87906873. To those of you that do not know Dot ... spare a prayer or a good thought for a mother whose heart is torn in two.
Thank you for allowing me to use this forum for a purpose other than "Conor's Journey". I believe you'll understand the connection between this site ... and a mother's loss and tragedy.
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Happy Easter
Thought it best to get this post off before I go galavantin' in Southern Ontario. We leave tomorrow for Easter with the Lacey's, the Lacey in-laws, the ex-Lacey's --- those of you who know the Lacey's --- know what I'm yipping about. Some of these Lacey relatives have had to rely only on phone calls and this blog for updates on Conor's progress ... and in the early days ... I can only imagine how very difficult that had to be. But this distance ... and I appreciate that this applies to many of you out there in cyberland ... did/does not diminish the power of their support and their pure love. I am constantly humbled by the outpouring of raw kindness, unselfish support and the unwavering faith of the subscribers of this blog. The John Lacey's, the Carriere's and the Murray's will reap what they have sown ... the will see a walking, talking, eating, laughing, and very WHOLE Conor Lacey... and Ciaran and I are just a little proud to show him off!
The good news this week ... NO MORE SURGERY! That's right, the wrist specialist was so impressed by Conor's range of motion, flexibility and growing strength .... that the surgery has been cancelled. He is the only doctor in the world that does this surgery (transplanting bone with cartilege into the wrist) and he explained that while Conor would be a perfect candidate for the surgery ... the wrist is so good that he prefers not to take the risk of doing unnecessary harm to it. We go back to see him in early June ... once Conor has worked on strengthening the wrist (this was being delayed until after the surgery) and all things being equal ... that will be that. Arthritis will occur ... but the specialist does not believe this will be noticeable until Conor's in his mid-30's ... and he also confirmed that the surgery can be investigated further at a future date ... if necessary. Needless to say ... Conor could not wipe the grin off his face. My concern, and the specialist allayed my fears, was that we would be delaying the surgery for no good reason. My point was that IF the surgery was necessary ... do it now rather than later. I did not want Conor to be setback in his overall healing/recovery. He took a good deal of time to make sure that I understood that Conor was actually not using the part of the wrist that contained the "ledge" ... he was adapting his wrist to use a part of the joint that was smooth and painless. Conor's wrist is flexible, and quite strong ... ahhhh! ... the glory of youth!
As a result of this news ... I will be going back to work (mornings only) on 19 April. It will have been 5 months since that fateful day in November. The time has flown by ... and I will have butterflies on 19 April ... let me assure you. Conor doesn't seem bothered ... but then he sleeps the mornings away anyway! and won't notice whether I'm here or not. Joey, however, will be quite put out!
So happy to be able to share this awesome news with you all. I don't want to belabour the point ... but ... I owe you all such an incredible debt of gratitude. Your support, your prayers, your love has been instrumental in finding us where we are today. A family ... whole, strong, and surrounded by incredible people who are rooting for us to "pull through". I am sometimes overwhelmed by the enormity of your caring and support. I have tears in my eyes (sometimes I think they're a permanent fixture) ... and again ... thank you from the bottom of my very grateful heart.
The good news this week ... NO MORE SURGERY! That's right, the wrist specialist was so impressed by Conor's range of motion, flexibility and growing strength .... that the surgery has been cancelled. He is the only doctor in the world that does this surgery (transplanting bone with cartilege into the wrist) and he explained that while Conor would be a perfect candidate for the surgery ... the wrist is so good that he prefers not to take the risk of doing unnecessary harm to it. We go back to see him in early June ... once Conor has worked on strengthening the wrist (this was being delayed until after the surgery) and all things being equal ... that will be that. Arthritis will occur ... but the specialist does not believe this will be noticeable until Conor's in his mid-30's ... and he also confirmed that the surgery can be investigated further at a future date ... if necessary. Needless to say ... Conor could not wipe the grin off his face. My concern, and the specialist allayed my fears, was that we would be delaying the surgery for no good reason. My point was that IF the surgery was necessary ... do it now rather than later. I did not want Conor to be setback in his overall healing/recovery. He took a good deal of time to make sure that I understood that Conor was actually not using the part of the wrist that contained the "ledge" ... he was adapting his wrist to use a part of the joint that was smooth and painless. Conor's wrist is flexible, and quite strong ... ahhhh! ... the glory of youth!
As a result of this news ... I will be going back to work (mornings only) on 19 April. It will have been 5 months since that fateful day in November. The time has flown by ... and I will have butterflies on 19 April ... let me assure you. Conor doesn't seem bothered ... but then he sleeps the mornings away anyway! and won't notice whether I'm here or not. Joey, however, will be quite put out!
So happy to be able to share this awesome news with you all. I don't want to belabour the point ... but ... I owe you all such an incredible debt of gratitude. Your support, your prayers, your love has been instrumental in finding us where we are today. A family ... whole, strong, and surrounded by incredible people who are rooting for us to "pull through". I am sometimes overwhelmed by the enormity of your caring and support. I have tears in my eyes (sometimes I think they're a permanent fixture) ... and again ... thank you from the bottom of my very grateful heart.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Overdue Update
It's been so long since I've posted, I suspect that no one is out there anymore. But the old adage ... no news is good news ... really does apply.
Conor is doing consistently well. He has had no setbacks and is really getting stronger every day. He does his physio three times a week and is getting pretty good on all the machines they have him using. He took out the garbage for me last week (Ciaran is thrilled) and is asking about golfing. He is still skinny as a rail ... I don't know what he weighed before his accident ... but at 6 foot 2+ ... he now weighs in at a whopping 145 lbs! Believe it or not ... he has filled out some ... you can no longer see his spine through his stomach ... but man he's got a long way to go!
Last week was reasonably eventful. Conor had an appointment with a physiatrist. A physiatrist is a specialist trained in physical medicine, rehabilitation, and pain medicine. He works out of the General and is sort of responsible for the "whole package". He is aware of the reputations of Conor's therapists and was pleased with the team that Allstate had put together. The physiatrist gave Conor some cognitive tests (which I am happy to report he aced -- except for a math question he wouldn't have got before the accident) and was dumbfounded with Conor's progress. At one point he looked Conor in the eye and asked if Conor knew how fortunate he was. Conor was very quick to respond in the positive. We asked about drinking, driving and other things that Conor wants to do (sounds like any 20 year old .. right). Conor was incredibly honest and said that on St Patty's day he had had two beers over the course of four hours. He said that he felt fine. The doctor pointed out ... as I had after researching on the internet ... that he will feel the effects of alcohol more .. and more quickly. He did not preach ... but advised against overdoing it. There is always the possibility that too much alcohol could bring on another seizure (remember back to the seizures Conor had on Day 2 of his recovery). I reinforced the doctor's advice by painting a vivid picture of the seizure I witnessed. I think Conor "gets it" and is just thrilled that he can order a beer when out with his friends ...
Last week (my turn for confession) I also let Conor drive home from his physio. (An aside ... Conor's license was NOT suspended) When I asked Conor if he would like to drive ... he just beamed. And amazingly ... there was actually no fear. I have let him drive a couple of times since -- and in my humble opinion -- there has been no diminishing of his skill/ability. We are setting up a formal driving assessment through our family doctor (there are agencies out there that do this routinely for aged drivers) and once he "passes" that ... I will have to take the huge step of letting him drive alone. Oh boy!
Last week also, Conor went to the movies. He went to see "300" --- which in Conor's opinion is awesome --- and he was absolutely fine. A couple of months ago he couldn't have handled the visual stimuli (too much going on) ... but he claims that it was fine.
On Friday, Conor and I attended the funeral of the father of a friend --- Chuck Nadeau's dad passed. Conor was worried about people seeing him limp (!) .. and I was so proud to have him by my side. The priest who conducted the service was the same priest who celebrated Mike's funeral mass ... Father Soucy. After the service, we were blessed to have a few words with Fr Soucy. He was genuinely chuffed to see us again and was aghast when we told him about Conor's accident. He looked at me and shook his head, then gave Conor a hug and said that he would pray for his leg. He made a few comments about strength and faith ... and I pointed out our belief that Mikey had intervened ... and he replied -- undoubtedly. It was truly a gift to be able to speak with this lovely, lovely man.
Conor admitted to me when I took him home after the service, that he had a "moment" during the service (I had several!) where he realized that it could have been him. This was pretty enlightening for Conor. He has known since he regained consciousness ... how very serious his accident was ... Chuck's dad's service ... was very graphic evidence of the possible alternative outcome. I was heading back for the graveside service ... and asked if Conor was okay. He simply said ... obviously.
Well, guys (if there is anyone reading this) ... this is certainly longer than I originally planned ... but you're up to date. We have an appointment with the wrist specialist on 3 April and will find out the date for Conor's surgery. We are all headed down to Burlington to visit the Lacey's at Easter (and I am so looking forward to it). My plan to travel to BC in June/July looks like it might actually happen ... Conor's already planning to have his buds up to the cottage that weekend ... so I am breathing a little easier and probably didn't need that cancellation insurance.
Please spare a prayer/thought for Chuck and his family ... and till we meet here again ... I remain ... a very grateful mother.
Conor is doing consistently well. He has had no setbacks and is really getting stronger every day. He does his physio three times a week and is getting pretty good on all the machines they have him using. He took out the garbage for me last week (Ciaran is thrilled) and is asking about golfing. He is still skinny as a rail ... I don't know what he weighed before his accident ... but at 6 foot 2+ ... he now weighs in at a whopping 145 lbs! Believe it or not ... he has filled out some ... you can no longer see his spine through his stomach ... but man he's got a long way to go!
Last week was reasonably eventful. Conor had an appointment with a physiatrist. A physiatrist is a specialist trained in physical medicine, rehabilitation, and pain medicine. He works out of the General and is sort of responsible for the "whole package". He is aware of the reputations of Conor's therapists and was pleased with the team that Allstate had put together. The physiatrist gave Conor some cognitive tests (which I am happy to report he aced -- except for a math question he wouldn't have got before the accident) and was dumbfounded with Conor's progress. At one point he looked Conor in the eye and asked if Conor knew how fortunate he was. Conor was very quick to respond in the positive. We asked about drinking, driving and other things that Conor wants to do (sounds like any 20 year old .. right). Conor was incredibly honest and said that on St Patty's day he had had two beers over the course of four hours. He said that he felt fine. The doctor pointed out ... as I had after researching on the internet ... that he will feel the effects of alcohol more .. and more quickly. He did not preach ... but advised against overdoing it. There is always the possibility that too much alcohol could bring on another seizure (remember back to the seizures Conor had on Day 2 of his recovery). I reinforced the doctor's advice by painting a vivid picture of the seizure I witnessed. I think Conor "gets it" and is just thrilled that he can order a beer when out with his friends ...
Last week (my turn for confession) I also let Conor drive home from his physio. (An aside ... Conor's license was NOT suspended) When I asked Conor if he would like to drive ... he just beamed. And amazingly ... there was actually no fear. I have let him drive a couple of times since -- and in my humble opinion -- there has been no diminishing of his skill/ability. We are setting up a formal driving assessment through our family doctor (there are agencies out there that do this routinely for aged drivers) and once he "passes" that ... I will have to take the huge step of letting him drive alone. Oh boy!
Last week also, Conor went to the movies. He went to see "300" --- which in Conor's opinion is awesome --- and he was absolutely fine. A couple of months ago he couldn't have handled the visual stimuli (too much going on) ... but he claims that it was fine.
On Friday, Conor and I attended the funeral of the father of a friend --- Chuck Nadeau's dad passed. Conor was worried about people seeing him limp (!) .. and I was so proud to have him by my side. The priest who conducted the service was the same priest who celebrated Mike's funeral mass ... Father Soucy. After the service, we were blessed to have a few words with Fr Soucy. He was genuinely chuffed to see us again and was aghast when we told him about Conor's accident. He looked at me and shook his head, then gave Conor a hug and said that he would pray for his leg. He made a few comments about strength and faith ... and I pointed out our belief that Mikey had intervened ... and he replied -- undoubtedly. It was truly a gift to be able to speak with this lovely, lovely man.
Conor admitted to me when I took him home after the service, that he had a "moment" during the service (I had several!) where he realized that it could have been him. This was pretty enlightening for Conor. He has known since he regained consciousness ... how very serious his accident was ... Chuck's dad's service ... was very graphic evidence of the possible alternative outcome. I was heading back for the graveside service ... and asked if Conor was okay. He simply said ... obviously.
Well, guys (if there is anyone reading this) ... this is certainly longer than I originally planned ... but you're up to date. We have an appointment with the wrist specialist on 3 April and will find out the date for Conor's surgery. We are all headed down to Burlington to visit the Lacey's at Easter (and I am so looking forward to it). My plan to travel to BC in June/July looks like it might actually happen ... Conor's already planning to have his buds up to the cottage that weekend ... so I am breathing a little easier and probably didn't need that cancellation insurance.
Please spare a prayer/thought for Chuck and his family ... and till we meet here again ... I remain ... a very grateful mother.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Nearing the "Other Side"
I'm sitting here at my computer ... it's almost midnight ... sipping the last of a Drambuie before I go to bed. Joey is down the hall somewhere ... probably chewing one of Ciaran's socks ... and both my boys are "out". Conor has gone over to Matt's house to play video games ... and Ciaran is out cruising with a couple of his buds. Three months since the accident ---- and we have reverted to a "normal" life. Remarkable!
I am so incredibly at peace. All is right with the world (not really -- but it's right within my world!) and I feel as though we're approaching the end of that dark tunnel that seemed so very vast just 3 months ago.
I was watching an Oprah show today .. it was about the "laws of the universe" ... it hit home. Those of you that know me well, know that I am a no-nonsense, no-excuse person. Those of you that have been introduced to me through this blog ... have probably seen glimpses of that. The gist of the show was that what you put out ... is what you get back. Karma ... kismet ... reap what you sow ... it has many names. But basically .... you are responsible for your own life. You own it ... you're responsible for its direction. If you are a victim ... it is because you see yourself as a victim ... so people treat you as a victim. That is your choice ... you choose to be a victim. Bad things happen to good people. Regardless of what is going on in your life ... there is always something to be grateful for. Focus on the gratitude ... don't focus on the victimization. There are people who choose to have drama in their lives ... who seem unable to "survive" without it. Again ... a choice. I know this seems harsh ... but over the past 14 months ... I feel I have "walked the walk", so I am entitled to "talk the talk". I have not allowed myself to be a "victim" ... and as a result ... well, you've all read this blog. Not only have I (we) survived ... but I (we) am stronger because of it and blessed with an abundance of friends and a wealth of experience just waiting to be passed on. I am so incredibly grateful ...
Conor is attending physio three times a week and has begun an exercise program. They are working on the leg ... and trying to get the wrist as supple as possible prior to the surgery. Today, Conor visited his orthopaedic surgeon. He walked into the clinic ... no crutch .. no cane. Dr O'Neill ... just smiled and shook his head. Conor went for his x-ray (I think this is his fiftieth ... they better have been using the lead shield 'cause I want grandchildren!) and the break above his knee has completely healed. The ortho had to strain to see it in the films. The bone around the rod is almost complete .. and the ortho doesn't want to see him for three months! I burst into tears! Three months! Conor, bless him, looked at me confused as to my tears. It seems it's time for me to take off the warrior garb ... not currently required. I think that warrants a few tears of relief!
So ... that is where we stand, my dear friends. I am still off work until the end of March ... and plan to go back half-time to begin with. As you can imagine, my priorities have changed considerably over the past year ... and Conor still needs me (and I need him to need me). Conor's occupational therapist has scheduled an appointment to visit the LCBO to see exactly what is required in Conor's day-to-day work life (months ahead of schedule I might add!). Ciaran is well .. and normal .. and doing all the stupid things that sixteen year old boys do (and that he has every right to do!) We are almost at the "other side" of this .. and again ... thank you. Each step of this road was made possible by your strength ... your perseverance ... your belief that we could do this. We would not be where we are today without your love and support. And I thank you ... from the bottom of my heart!
I am so incredibly at peace. All is right with the world (not really -- but it's right within my world!) and I feel as though we're approaching the end of that dark tunnel that seemed so very vast just 3 months ago.
I was watching an Oprah show today .. it was about the "laws of the universe" ... it hit home. Those of you that know me well, know that I am a no-nonsense, no-excuse person. Those of you that have been introduced to me through this blog ... have probably seen glimpses of that. The gist of the show was that what you put out ... is what you get back. Karma ... kismet ... reap what you sow ... it has many names. But basically .... you are responsible for your own life. You own it ... you're responsible for its direction. If you are a victim ... it is because you see yourself as a victim ... so people treat you as a victim. That is your choice ... you choose to be a victim. Bad things happen to good people. Regardless of what is going on in your life ... there is always something to be grateful for. Focus on the gratitude ... don't focus on the victimization. There are people who choose to have drama in their lives ... who seem unable to "survive" without it. Again ... a choice. I know this seems harsh ... but over the past 14 months ... I feel I have "walked the walk", so I am entitled to "talk the talk". I have not allowed myself to be a "victim" ... and as a result ... well, you've all read this blog. Not only have I (we) survived ... but I (we) am stronger because of it and blessed with an abundance of friends and a wealth of experience just waiting to be passed on. I am so incredibly grateful ...
Conor is attending physio three times a week and has begun an exercise program. They are working on the leg ... and trying to get the wrist as supple as possible prior to the surgery. Today, Conor visited his orthopaedic surgeon. He walked into the clinic ... no crutch .. no cane. Dr O'Neill ... just smiled and shook his head. Conor went for his x-ray (I think this is his fiftieth ... they better have been using the lead shield 'cause I want grandchildren!) and the break above his knee has completely healed. The ortho had to strain to see it in the films. The bone around the rod is almost complete .. and the ortho doesn't want to see him for three months! I burst into tears! Three months! Conor, bless him, looked at me confused as to my tears. It seems it's time for me to take off the warrior garb ... not currently required. I think that warrants a few tears of relief!
So ... that is where we stand, my dear friends. I am still off work until the end of March ... and plan to go back half-time to begin with. As you can imagine, my priorities have changed considerably over the past year ... and Conor still needs me (and I need him to need me). Conor's occupational therapist has scheduled an appointment to visit the LCBO to see exactly what is required in Conor's day-to-day work life (months ahead of schedule I might add!). Ciaran is well .. and normal .. and doing all the stupid things that sixteen year old boys do (and that he has every right to do!) We are almost at the "other side" of this .. and again ... thank you. Each step of this road was made possible by your strength ... your perseverance ... your belief that we could do this. We would not be where we are today without your love and support. And I thank you ... from the bottom of my heart!
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